Difficult days
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What you will find on this page
What happens on special days i.e Christmas?
What happens during a family crisis when my loved one is in prison?
Death of a family member
What to do if you’re worried about your loved one in prison
What if my loved one gets into trouble in prison?
Adjudications
Legal representation when in custody
What happens on special days i.e Christmas?
Some days are harder than others. Some of the hardest ones when your loved one is in prison are the ‘event days’. By these I mean Christmas, birthdays, births, anniversaries, Valentine’s Day, Father’s Day, Mother’s Day, etc. I have experienced all of these and I have had many, many mixed emotions.
Firstly it’s ok to have a big cry. Being separated is hard on you and the ones left behind. I always try to include my partner in some way; if it’s a birthday they make an early morning call before school or call when we are celebrating a birthday cake, and I find that this makes it slightly easier for us all.
Cards - you can send cards in, again sometimes these are photocopied which is kind of rubbish but if you use an online service like funky pigeon you might have more luck.
Visits - sometimes you might be able to get a visit - I’ve had birthday, anniversary, and Valentine’s visits over the years. It’s not ideal but then the situation is far from ideal and it’s worked for me. If you can’t, or it’s just not for you, then maybe take lots of pictures and make little videos for when they come home, or talk about the next one that they will be there for.
There is no rule book for how you deal with these situations together - you have to do it your way and deal with it your way. The key thing to remember is that everyone deals with things differently and we all have good and bad days. Every feeling you have is normal, every emotion is to be expected, and if you can then talk to people. It might also help to contact some of the helplines or to join some of the many online groups - you’ll be surprised to see how similar your experiences and feelings are.
What happens during a family crisis when my loved one is in prison?
Sometimes things happen at home that you need to tell your person about before you wait for a phone call, and sometimes things happen that you may feel unable to tell them yourself. This section provides guidance in managing these difficult circumstances.
Who is considered to be a close relative?
The following are considered to be close relatives:
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spouse
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life partner
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fiancée
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siblings (including half and step siblings)
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your child, and
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a parent.
Also, people that your person has acted in ‘loco parentis’ for (has acted as a parent to them) and has had some legal responsibilities for them. Governors can also consider close caring relationships that you might have in extended families.
Death of a family member
If you are in the upsetting position of having to share sad news there are things you can do and apply for. When my partner’s mum died whilst he was in custody I was able to get a visit arranged and tell him face to face; this is not always the case though.
The prison will need to verify what you are saying - in our case they phoned the hospital to confirm what I was saying was correct. The chaplain is likely to contact you and may be able to share the news with your person. The prison may allow your person a personal call to you away from the landings.
Can a prisoner attend a funeral?
It is not an automatic right that your person will be allowed to attend a funeral. They will need to apply to go, and this is usually only considered for the deaths of immediate family members.
If they are given approval to be released then they will be escorted by prison staff and allowed to attend the funeral only. They could also be granted a SPL (special purpose licence) which is a type of ROTL (release on temporary licence) so they are able to go unsupervised.
If your loved one is to be escorted they will be handcuffed and attached to an officer. I was allowed to sit with my partner and he was allowed to speak, however that will depend on the staff - another reason to have good relationships with them, sometimes you need their help.
Once the funeral is over they are returned to custody.
Clothing for a funeral - they will need to send an APP in but you are allowed to drop an outfit off that they can wear if they want.
Serious illness and other circumstances
Unfortunately, life can send us events that are unplanned for and having to deal with that when you have a person in custody adds extra issues to deal with. They can apply for a SPL or Escort in these circumstances and applications should be assessed on an individual basis, and the prison will have to consider security and decency; is it safe to release them and is it vital?
Timescales for dealing with a crisis
This is not usually a quick process, at a period when time will be pressing for you. Your person needs to be clear on the urgency and, if they are concerned that it is not being dealt with in a timely manner, should speak to the staff on the wing.
What to do if you’re worried about your loved one in prison
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Safer custody team - each prison has a safer custody team and you can contact them if you are concerned about your loved one’s safety. They will do a welfare call and check up on them
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Prison chaplain – the prison chaplain is also another source of support should you be able to contact them.
Contact details will be available on the prison’s website and usually in posters around the visitor centre.
What will happen if my loved one needs healthcare and meds in prison?
If your loved one has a pre-existing medical condition or develops one whilst in custody, you are likely to feel great anxiety. Firstly, that they are getting the right care, and secondly, that they are able to access the correct medication at the correct time. Healthcare in prisons is an emotive subject and you will hear lots of scary stories about delays, being ignored or not able to get to appointments.
The healthcare staff in prison are fully trained professionals and your loved one can visit them with a range of health matters, however, it can take a long time to be seen and this can be very frustrating for them. Also, the treatment they feel they need might not be the same as the treatment the professional offers.
There are wings and beds in the prison specifically for people with medical needs, and your loved one could well be allocated a place on this wing to be treated. If they need hospital treatment they are able to attend medical appointments. They will be escorted to the hospital if they are in closed conditions, or they may be able to go under their own steam if they are in an open prison.
What’s hard for us as family members is the not knowing; even if you are down as next of kin the prison will not usually inform you of health-related matters.
There are lots of things you can do to help your loved one and yourself if you feel that you are not being listened to. Click here for additional information https://www.prisonersfamilies.org/healthcare-in-prison
What if my loved one gets into trouble in prison?
Segregation / the block
The block, or seg, is what most people inside refer to the segregation unit as. It is where prisoners are sent when they are taken out of general population because of:
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an incident that they are involved in
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an incident they are suspected of being involved in, or
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for their safety.
If they are sent ‘down the block’ you will not be told, and if you are used to getting calls at a certain time and then all of a sudden you don’t, then it’s totally natural to get anxious.
Contact from the block is limited, and although they are allowed to make a short call it is dependent on what is happening and what staff are available to allow that - so be prepared that once you find out they are there you are likely to have very little contact.
There are rules and regulations that the prison must follow relating to the block
Sanctions
If your loved one is deemed to have done something wrong they may get sanctions. Sanctions are basically something they will lose for breaking the rules. There are lots of potential sanctions, and common restrictions include restrictions on canteen - which means restrictions on adding credit to the phone, reduced visits, or removal of other privileges.
This can be really frustrating as you will probably feel that you are also being punished, and it is easy to let that frustration spill into your conversations with your person. It’s ok to feel like that. The focus can tend to be on the difficult time the person in custody is having and this can be really disproportionate when placed next to the impact and emotional strain it places on those left behind. It is understandable and natural to find this difficult to cope with at times.
Adjudication
When charged with breaking a rule, your person will face an adjudication. This can either be:
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internal - where they go in front of the prison governor (usually); these cannot add days to their sentence, and they are not entitled to legal representation
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external - where a judge comes in to hear it; this can add up to 42 days to their sentence and they are entitled to a legal representation.
If an incident has happened that cannot be dealt with by the above means then the prison can refer a crime to the police.
Legal representation when in custody
There can be lots of reasons to get legal help when your loved one is in custody. One of the biggest frustrations for both your loved one and yourself can be not being able to have contact with your legal representative.
Lots of people will hand out their own legal advice when you are in the justice system, and you will probably hear endless reviews and recommendations about who to instruct. Although people can have lots of similar experiences and it can be good to hear them, it should not be the sole reason you instruct. It is strongly advisable to get someone who actually has a legal background. You may seek help from a:
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Prison law advisor (PLA) - not a solicitor but able to represent you in matters related to custody
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Solicitor - able to advise and represent you on matters related to custody.
If you are struggling to get a response via email or call don’t give up, an available solicitor or PLA will elevate so much frustration in the long run.
If your person is happy to tell your representative that you are able to liaise on their behalf then this means you can help more. Calling solicitors and PLAs comes directly from your loved ones credit and if it’s a mobile they are calling it really eats credit up. If you are able to act as a ‘go between’, not only will it speed things up but it will also help you to feel involved; if not, it’s very normal for you to feel like you are not part of the process.
Remember, we are always here to help
